When I Rule the World, I'll Plant Flowers!
by Ryn-Ryn Arashi
Summary: Harry Potter, the angsty, not-so-intelligent 'Chosen One' was not going to off the most powerful evil wizard of the age. No, trash duty fell inevitably on the shoulders of the Malfoy heir. Eventual Draco/Charlie Weasley slash.
1. A Very Short Prologue

_A/N: Two years later, I give you: my first fanfiction, revised! Hopefully this time 'round will go faster, and easier. Good luck to all of us!_

_The title is a direct quotation from _A Very Potter Musical_. Cookies if you understand what I meant by it, bonus if you've seen the musical._

Evil doesn't have a definition. Or, it does, but no one agrees on one. Saint Potter, the fool of a headmaster and the Order all thought they were fighting dark wizards-evil wizards. They were wrong.

Tom Riddle was a Lord, he had followers, and they did kill people. They killed threats. Rapists, serial killers, 'take over the world' enthusiasts, corrupt authority figures. It was dirty and it wasn't perfect, but they did not kill 'innocents'.

Voldemort, however, murdered everyone and everything on a whim. It was his hobby, really. Tom was not Voldemort, contrary to popular belief and a wonderful anagram of Tom Marvolo Riddle with 'I am Lord Voldemort'.

Harry Potter, the angsty, not-so-intelligent 'Chosen One' was not going to do the job of offing the most powerful evil wizard of the age. No, trash duty fell inevitably on the shoulders of the Malfoy heir.


	2. Home, a Mission and a Duel

_A/N: Draco and Lucius refer to Tom Riddle as Lord Tom because, while informal, he is still a lord and their leader. Tom is on the Japan mission, even though he is the leader, because he wanted to be. The other minions are present only for formal meetings, so they are absent for now. Lastly, Tom really is in his early 70's, but in this story, wizards live longer and therefore are younger longer. This will make sense as you read, I promise! Enjoy! _

Draco Malfoy cursed his way of the Hogwarts Express and onto the platform. He had spent the better part of the last hour annoying Potter. The boy was reminiscent of a Blast-Ended Skrewt, in all honesty. Dull but for random intervals spent blasting energy from its ass to propel itself along, lucky as hell and ugly as the day is long. Okay, Potter looked better than a Skrewt, but only just. And Potter had more luck than a Skrewt, but still. Also similar was the lack of skill; they had protection and one weapon-armor and its butt, spells and a wand, respectively. Neither had any idea how to use their tools.

That was why Draco didn't get on with Potter. He knows he is supposed to defeat the 'Dark Lord', but instead of preparing and training, the boy has bouts of angst in which he takes out the unfairness of his situation on his friends. A little moping would be understandable, but really, get over it and _do_ something.

That was why Draco antagonized Potter. Partly it amused him to no end, and partly it was to get Potter _to_ do something. Clearly it wasn't working, because just a few minutes previous Potter had lost his head and flung himself wildly at Draco, inflicting minimal damage and acting upon minimal provocation. And people truly expect the boy to off the Dark-Lord-Who-Doesn't-Exist? Draco sighed, silently glad that he didn't have to place his hope and future in the hands of Harry Potter.

Attempting to leave the platform, Draco found himself stuck behind a group of fourth years that were meandering slowly, chatting excitedly. Stupid people around here did not know the meaning of 'haste', or even just 'walk'. They strolled, slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter (don't give Hagrid ideas about slow animals, races, and obstacles). Draco thought perhaps they did it on purpose, because it happened when he was trying to get to class as well.

"Move you speed-challenged gits, or I'll move you myself!" Draco barked, gaining several nasty looks in return. They did, however, move several inches to one side, so Draco squeezed past the opening, not really caring where his elbows where. Finally, he reached the apparition point and transported himself to the Malfoy Manor.

Upon arriving at his house, Draco entered the library where he assumed his father would be.

"Hello Father. I have returned from school," Draco said. Lucius Malfoy sat at a round, wooden table with maps spread on its surface, discussing something with Tom Riddle. Both looked up at Draco's voice.

"Ah, welcome home Draco," Lucius smiled slightly at his son in greeting. Tom, not to be left out, leapt from his chair and positively pranced over to where Draco was standing in the doorway.

"Okaerinasai, Draco-kun!" Draco narrowed his eyes and took a few steps back.

"Lord Tom, I swear, if you try one of those flying hug-tackles of doom again, you will regret it." Tom slowed his progress toward Draco, pouted and grumbled something about 'it's called a glomp'. Draco smirked slightly at the childish expression; _here is your Dark Lord, Potter. _

"Still working on the Demon threat in Japan, then?" Draco asked. Tom nodded, a slight frown on his slightly aged face. Tom was scraping the beginning of his seventh decade and had slight streaks of grey bleeding from his temple into his otherwise dark, wavy hair. His smile wrinkles were defined, and the sides of his eyes crinkled in amusement or thought.

"Yes, Draco, but Lord Tom is performing admirably," Lucius said. "Come, sit with us and we will discuss your mission." Obediently, Draco pulled up a chair at the table, followed by Tom who returned to his original seat. Lucius handed Draco a folder that had been previously buried beneath the maps.

"One of our informants has found one of Voldemort's bases in Egypt. Apparently he likes to frequent a pyramid there," Lucius began.

"A pyramid? A giant tomb as a secret base?" Draco mused, raising one eyebrow. Tom shrugged, and Lucius continued explaining the mission.

"We want you to travel to the base. The informant says it has been inactive recently, so it's probably been abandoned. You are seeking information, anything you can find out that may be of use. Future plans, alliances, secret weapons, targets, anything. It is likely there will be something of uses there, if not any live bodies-"

"Yeah, because dead bodies are _so_ much better," commented Draco. His father gave him a dry look.

"You leave tomorrow morning, so rest and pack. Remember to be inconspicuous. We want information, not a confrontation if we can help it. Additional information for your mission is included in the folder. Be careful, Draco. Dismissed." At the dismissal, Draco stood, bowed, and swirled his black cloak as he exited the room so it flowed behind him.

Draco headed up several flights of stairs toward his room so he could prepare and pack for his mission. That achieved, he walked back down the stairs to the kitchen for a late dinner-the train had gotten in after meal time. The house elves happily brought him some sandwiches to munch on while he read over the contents of the mission folder.

Satisfied and prepared for an early night's sleep, Draco readied himself for bed and crawled under soft covers and slipped into unconsciousness…at least for an hour or two. Then he was rudely awakened by the wards on his room. Draco quickly grabbed his wand in one hand and sword, Ayden in the other. Ayden was similar to a Chinese Jian, a one-handed, double edged straight sword. Tom thought it prudent to have more ways of combat than magic. Draco was glad of this as he lovingly fingered his weapons.

Casting a swift blasting hex toward the door-to surprise and distract an enemy-Draco entered the hallway warily. He heard muffled cursing from several feet away-clearly the blast had worked in his favor. The wards had been triggered by only one person, so Draco stalked forward silently, hoping to immobilize his opponent. Just before he cast the spell, the other person lit up their wand with a _lumos_.

Draco squinted at the sudden brightness and could make out the form of his leader and uncle-figure, Tom Riddle. Tom had his sword and wand out, similar to Draco, clearly planning on a spar.

Draco sighed, lowering Ayden.

"Lord Tom," he greeted. Tom grinned, entirely to awake for this time of the night.

"Draco. At least you aren't out of practice! I came by to get you for training practice. You didn't forget, did you? We always spar in the middle of the night!"

"But I have a mission tomorrow. And I just got home from school!" Draco complained.

"Oh, stop whining. We haven't done this since Christmas! And you can never train enough. I, Tom Riddle, challenge you, Draco Malfoy to a duel. No magic. First to draw blood wins." Git. Now Draco had to fight because of the challenge. So long, bed and fluffy covers.

"Alright, Lord Tom. Training Room 1."

_Okaerinasai = Welcome home_

_Lumos = Lighting Charm_

_Chinese Jian:_ _http:/ wudangsword .com/ __**and**__ http:/ getasword. _

_Draco's sword was initially based off of Sokka's sword from Avatar: The Last Airbender._


	3. Pyramid of Khafre

_A/N: For functionality purposes, tourists are not allowed in the pyramids in this story. Draco is. Also, for the mummy scene, think the movie _The Mummy _if it helps, but wimpier._

**X**_  
_

Draco glared at the sun as it beamed happily down on the scorched land of Cairo, Egypt, his lip curling in distaste. It was almost personal insult that a ball of gas would dare try to give _him_ a tan. This was impossible, of course, because Draco didn't tan, he only burned. That didn't stop the sun, however. He sighed heavily and stalked toward the Pyramids of Giza, blending in easily with the tourists now swarming around him.

Upon entering the center building, the Pyramid of Khafre, Draco remained wary for any booby-traps, ancient or new ones created by Voldemort. Though others had traveled through the pyramid as well, Voldemort was likely to have some sort wards set up only for magical beings, or for intent, and Draco's intent was absolutely anti-Dark Lord.

_Heh. Booby-traps. Who named them, anyway? Traps that are booby. Honestly. _Draco smirked at this, immensely glad his Lord was not present to know his thoughts. Tom Riddle would have doubled over in almost hysterical laughter, teased Draco, and then led a lecture on the history of such traps.

Shaking his head, Draco began exploring the ingeniously constructed building. His studies focused on combat, magical theory, and magical beings**, **though he could appreciate the history of the pyramid. Draco couldn't quite repress a shiver of awe, glancing around the inside of a Pharaoh's tomb.

Carefully, almost reverently, he inspected the pyramid. He found the King's Chambers and the Grand Gallery, leading from the entrance pathways, and focused on them as potential Voldemort-inhabited areas. What self-respecting evil overlord _wouldn't_ want to use the resting place of an ancient King as a secret lair?

As Draco entered yet another passageway, he could feel a magical pull at his sleeve. Hearing a rumble, he glanced upward as a stone ramp lowered from the ceiling and spat out a great circular boulder several feet behind him. Looking back at the passage in front, Draco saw it had shrunk to half its size and rounded out, made of the same type of stone as the boulder instead of the Egyptian make. Hearing the rumble again, Draco sprinted away, the passage now at a sharp decline and clearly not an Egyptian tomb. At the moment, he could blast the stupid rock to pieces, run like hell and hope an escape route shows up, or stop and see if it would actually smash him into the ground, as it might be an illusion.

Without even looking back, Draco aimed his wand behind him and cast a powerful _bombarda _. Hearing the rock crack and explode, he threw himself to the ground, hands over head, hoping the standard _protego_ charm he kept on him would be enough to stop any of the boulder shards injuring him. Opening his eyes, Draco drew in a breath, coughing as it stirred up a mouthful of dust from the sandy ground.

Standing slowly, Draco saw he was in the exact same place he had been before the trap. The passage was ancient and Egyptian, with no remains of an annihilated boulder at all.

'_That trap…was not so booby.' _Draco was trained, he was calm, but _damn_ that was unexpected. And cliché. It was also, apparently, not physically real. It was, of course, possible for wizardly magic to trick the brain, but not in that form. Draco gave a small_ hmph_ of confusion. Walking down the passage again, Draco heard, suspiciously, a few chuckles of laughter from a voice that sounded both male and female.

With an initial scope of the pyramid done and no more apparent traps, Draco decided to feed his stomach and rest. He exited, subtly, and went back to some hotel in Cairo he had found where he could stay for a while.

The next day, Draco entered somewhat excited to begin his search. He cast several alert charms on himself as he walked, to warn him if he passed anything of Voldemort's or if any life forms showed up. That day, he found nothing that could help him work against the Dark Lord. He didn't find anything the day after that either, or within the week.

**X**

A full week and a half since his first day and that boulder trap, Draco felt another magical pull, different from last time. He whipped his head up, then around, glaring at anything he saw. Fortunately, there was no giant rock coming at him, no closing walls or arrows shooting from every direction. Draco took another step, when his wards alerted him to several malicious presences. He saw newly appeared forms rushing at him, moving with agility and something close to grace.

Not waiting for them to come to him and ready for a fight, Draco started toward them, only to stop and widen his eyes in shock a second later.

'_Shit! Mummies? Mobile, violent mummies that can apparently-jump-_really_-fucking-far!'_

The first mummy had just leaped from where it was to right in front of Draco, who quickly severed it in half with his blade. Their bodies were not extremely substantial, it seemed. The rest of its body disintegrated into dust, floating over Draco and it's fellows to the ground. They weren't exactly mummies, theyhad no wrappings covering them. They were more like dead people that were mostly rotted and moved, but he didn't know what else to call them.

Draco cast a second shield charm over himself, to halt any glancing blows that would cause unnecessary damage. He then ran the next mummy straight through with Ayden, then cast _incendio_ at the next couple, watching them burn. Another enemy made him back up a few feet, to the entrance of the passage he was in. Something stopped him from passing through the entry, though, and sparing a glance back, Draco saw a magical barrier, swirling with a red color, trapping him in with the mummies. Not that they were hard to kill.

Advancing forward, Draco 'killed' another mummy and stunned another, hoping to study it later. The last one had just leaped behind Draco, hoping for a lucky shot. As he spun to deflect the blow, he found the mummy on the floor with a large, snarling sphinx standing over it.

**X**

_A/N: As a reminder, Ayden is the name of Draco's sword. _

_Spells used:_

bombarda_ = blasting hex_

protego_ = shield charm_

incendio_ = fire spell_

_Information regarding the pyramids_: http:/ unmyst3. blogspot. com/ 2008/ 09/ pyramids-of-giza. html


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